Welcome to this insightful episode of Unarmored Talk Podcast, where I'm joined by the incredible Dr. Jennifer Stelter, who shares her unique path into mental health support and dementia care, her own experiences with mental health challenges, and her immensely helpful book, Suicide was not the Solution for Dr. Jennifer Stelter: Her Amazing Journey.
Together, we deep dive into the importance of having a toolbox filled with knowledge and resources to confidently care for those struggling with mental health challenges or living with dementia - whether you're a family caregiver or a professional in senior living.
Dr. Stelter's expertise in understanding the brain and how our thoughts influence our actions is truly enlightening. Discover the limitations of medication in mental health recovery and the essential role of non-drug therapies and coping tools. By the end of our conversation, you'll feel empowered and equipped to make a difference in the lives of those facing mental health and dementia challenges. Join us for this enlightening and empowering episode with Dr. Jennifer Stelter!
👉 Things to Think About
- The limitations of medication in mental health recovery
- The essential role of non-drug therapies and coping tools
- The impact of mental health on caregivers and those living with dementia
- The importance of understanding the brain and how thoughts influence actions
- Recovery is a choice and requires conscious effort to not practice harmful behaviors </aside>
Discussion Points
- Dr. Jennifer Stelter's personal journey with mental health challenges and eating disorder
- Coping tools and non-drug therapies for mental health recovery and dementia care
- Overuse of medication in senior living for people living with dementia
- Importance of understanding the brain and how thoughts influence actions
- Recovery is a choice and requires conscious effort to not practice harmful behaviors
Transcript - Suicide was not the Solution for Dr. Jennifer Stelter
Mario P. Fields: 0:00
Welcome back to unarmor talk podcast. Thank you so much for listening and watching each episode and continue pleased to share with your friends and family members and colleagues, and don't forget to leave a rating or review. If you feel this is a awesome show and You can connect to all of my social media on the parade deck, just look in a show notes or you can put in the search engine Mario P Fields parade deck and get all access to my social media. Well, let's get ready to interview another guest who is willing to remove their armor to help other people. Hello everyone, welcome back to unarmor talk podcast. I'm your host, mario P Fields, and today's amazing guest who's willing to remove her armor to help other people is Dr Jennifer Stelter. Welcome.
Dr. Jennifer Stelter: 0:54
Thank you so much for having me. I appreciate it.
Mario P. Fields: 0:56
No, i appreciate you. She's super busy guys saving the world, so I'm excited to get on the show for about that you know, about 15, 20 minutes. But before we get to our wonderful guests, thank you everyone for supporting our show as we quickly We're approaching three years three years and running over 700, almost 800 cities of the audio has been downloaded in 37 countries. And If you're not subscribed to the YouTube channel or if you are, youtube has created a tab for Podcasters. So now all of the video is on my YouTube channel under the podcast tab for unarmored talk Videos. So get on there, keep sharing, keep watching, truly appreciate it, and every time you share or watch a video, it generates funds. My YouTube channel is monetized and it's for charity in. Every penny goes to still serving Incorporated and, last but not least, thank you to our channel members. Your monthly contributions have been making a difference. Again On our website, check out some of those pictures and making an impact on tomorrow's professionals. Okay, i'm done. Don't all that admin, don't all that stuff from the heart. Dr Stelter, can you please tell the listeners of viewers just a little bit about yourself before you do? ladies and gentlemen, she's an author, she's Everything an author, a clinical psychologist, and more so. I just want you guys to know that before she begins Over to you, dr Stelter.
Dr. Jennifer Stelter: 2:26
Absolutely Well. Thank you for having me. I really do appreciate it. And so just a little about me. You know I my journey is a little bit different than a lot of people. In my psychology career, you know, i thought when I went to school, you know, i would, you know, get out of school, i would open up a practice, i would, you know, have a couch in a chair and that would be it right. But it didn't go that way actually, and my journey is a little bit different, as I'm now in dementia care, which is interesting for a lot of psychologists. They don't necessarily go into that realm. I spent the first half of my career in mental health and then my second. Now in my second half of my career, working with those living with dementia, and so you know, for me, you know most people when they wind up in this field, they usually have someone that they know who's developed a disease, and it actually was reversed for me.
I actually wanted to get into dementia care And then, unfortunately, one of my grandmother in law is actually was diagnosed and has passed away with Alzheimer's disease And I was able to be an asset to the family, which I'm really grateful for, and having all this knowledge and expertise in it. And so, you know, for me it was certainly trying to embark upon something that I thought I could really make a difference from my own journey, and it kind of made shape, you know, through being able to give back in mental health and then now giving back in dementia care. So that's a little bit about myself in terms of my journey has been.
Mario P. Fields: 3:56
Yeah, and let's talk a little bit about your book that you authored. And, ladies and gentlemen, once you guys hear a book and it'll be in the show notes, go out and get a copy. It's Dr Stoker. Come on. (Suicide was not the Solution for Dr. Jennifer Stelter)
Yeah, so the book is called the busy caregivers guide to advance Alzheimer's disease. It was published by Johns Hopkins in 2021. And it really is a guide to help all kinds of caregivers so family caregivers, those who work in senior living, who are on the front lines every day. It really is a nice workbook that can provide you so many tools to be able to feel confident and competent in what you do when working with and or caring for those living with dementia.
And so it's nice because it you walk away with this toolbox, you know what we always talk about at the dementia connection Institute get your toolbox right, and you have to fill it because you don't know if you especially if you work in senior care There's all kinds of folks that you're going to be caring for, And if you are caring for that person at home, you know a little bit better. So you know what tools should go in that box, right? but it's important have a plethora at your fingertips so you are armored. You know not to just take away your your name of your podcast, right? you are armored with the ability to care for that person no matter what happens, And so that's really what my mission is, and working with people with dementia is to help people understand the disease and fill their tool box so they feel confident, and confident in what they're doing.
Mario P. Fields: 5:24
Yeah, and so let's just jump right into the topic And thank you for being such a caring. You know professional in person in helping people with. You know severe challenges, especially as it impacts the brain. But let's jump into the topic. You mentioned two words, confidence and competent, and as I've gotten to know you over the past few months, you just seem like a dummy. You seem like a very competent and confident professional, but it wasn't always like that. What happened? from my basic understanding in high school, i want to say Yes, absolutely So.
Dr. Jennifer Stelter: 6:07
This is me really unarmored myself, and for those that have followed me on social media have heard a little bit about my story. But my story didn't, you know, just come you know where. I just woke up one day and said I want to be a psychologist. Right, it actually was because I went on my own mental health journey and actually started in high school, mario, like you said. You know. So in high school I started to experience a lot of just disturbing emotions for myself. You know, i think a lot of high school kids go through this awkward time of first puberty.
And then they're going through, you know, learning about yourself as a growing woman or a growing man. And you are dating you know how you set words, loosely dating in high school and you're trying to make lifelong friends, figure out what you're going to do with your life, right, and then you're deciding what you're going to do after high school. And you know, for me, in my high school years I had a fairly normal childhood. You know I can't I can't complain about any of that.
My parents were great. You know, they're not perfect, like every parents, but you know I had a fairly normal childhood. And so in high school I started to really just not like myself. And then I remember looking at myself one day this is where it really started. I remember so vividly. I remember looking at myself. I looked down at my body and I said God, you are fat. Wow. And I remember that just so much because that was the start of my eating disorder.
Mario P. Fields: 7:43
And what grade were you in?
Dr. Jennifer Stelter: 7:46
I was. Let's see, i was senior in high school actually.
Mario P. Fields: 7:51
So senior in high school when that happened?
Dr. Jennifer Stelter: 7:52
Yeah, Yeah, but previous to that I was experiencing some depression on and off. You know, growing up I was a little bit chunkier than my friends, my best friend, you know I was never the girl that was looked at, i was the, always just the friend right, and so I kind of played that role and but was never really happy. You know, i remember my happiest when I was a really young girl, right before I got into like middle school and high school. But when I started to really discover my body I wasn't happy with it, didn't know what any of that meant.
So but I was, you know, I had a lot of kind of depression setting in, sadness, you know that kind of stuff. And when I started to develop my eating disorder in my senior year it was really started off something where I didn't even know what it was, you know I, you know, started to restrict on eating. I was exercising a lot And I was gaining control in my, in my world. Right, it's a false sense of control, knowing that now, but I was trying to control my surroundings, i was trying to control my family life. You know, again, my, my family wasn't perfect. My dad, you know, he loved drinking and so you know he was what we call a functional alcoholic right. He would go to work and he would come home he would have his drinks, you know those kinds of things. Nothing ever serious came of it.
Like it's not as if you know, we had a disturbing childhood because of it, but we noticed that a lot, you know, and he drank in excess and so you know it was. It was trying to gain control over that. I was trying to gain control over my boyfriend at the time. He was not the nicest to me and I was not confident and confident enough to walk away from that. I took it and so you know it was trying to gain control over that and so for me it was just just filtering that into an area where I felt like I was gaining control. And then it started to really develop into what's called obsessive compulsive disorder. So I started to have a lot of obsessive compulsive types of experiences where I would have, like these anxious thoughts And I would do certain things, and a lot of it revolved around food. So it kind of masked into the eating disorder. When I would do things around food it would lower my anxiety.
So whether it be checking certain things or be counting to a certain number or switching on and off between certain things and then really trying to control the food that made me feel better. So, again, another false sense of control. Mind you, when you look at my familial history, you know I do have a cousin who had an eating disorder. I do have, you know, family members who've had OCD, who've had depression. So some of it is biological in nature but definitely is contributed through environmental. Which is what we learn in psychology is that it can be biological, it can be environmental, could be a combination of both, you know. So, looking back and, of course, learning about psychology and my schooling, i learned that that's. You know probably where it came from, and so we're in and I'll just think, and powerful with.
Mario P. Fields: 10:58
And so when you, You know, when you had that moment, Dr Stelter, when you looked in the mirror as a seeer and you said I don't love me, right, I'm not happy with what I see, And you started to control things around you to tie to food, Was there any goal like that? you have an imagination of what you wanted to look like a person, something, someone. Did you have a vision of what you wanted your body to look like?
Dr. Jennifer Stelter: 11:29
I would say in parts, if that makes sense. I remember looking at parts of my body and being like I don't like the way my thighs look, i don't like the way my stomach looks, and then I would look at other girls and I'd be like gosh, i just wish I had those legs or that stomach or something like that. But it wasn't a particular person, it just was parts of myself I was unhappy with And as my eating disorder progressed I started to see those results.
So of course it's reinforcing, right, it's, I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing, right, i'm getting the results that I'm looking for. But it was such a mental like just it just was so intrusive And it got out of control. It really did. And so, graduating high school and going into community college at the time I stayed local And of course there in like the traditional eating disorder realm I got straight A's in sorry in the post high school And from there I joined every single club and it was vice president or president, which that's very common with people with eating disorders They strive for perfection in everything.
Mario P. Fields: 12:47
Why I never would have known that.
Dr. Jennifer Stelter: 12:49
Yes.
Mario P. Fields: 12:50
That's an indicator. It could be.
Dr. Jennifer Stelter: 12:52
Indicator huge, yeah. And so checking all those boxes, that was there as well, and I lost a lot of weight. My lowest weight was 92 pounds when I actually was when weighing myself and things like that. It may have gone a little lower in some of the darker times, but I remember at that time my mom didn't know what to do, my father didn't know what to do And they didn't say a lot because back then people didn't know about those kinds of mental health disorders. I mean, they were there but they weren't talked about. It was still, of course, mental illness at that time was very shamed and she'll be fine, she'll grow out of it. It's a phase.
All those kinds of things And just the money spent on boxed meals so I can control the calories and the exercise equipment and everything like that, just kind of everything was just getting out of control from a financial, from an interpersonal, from just my emotional wellbeing, a physical wellbeing, all of it was impacted at that time. And I remember because within my eating disorder I had episodes where I would binge as well, and that's where you take in lots of food and you just can't stop yourself And then of course the result is that you restrict from there. And so I had episodes of like that at times.
And so I remember one of my last so-called binges, if you will, was something where I was at a friend's party and we had been drinking and I binge, and I remember the next day I completely starved myself the entire day And I remember this feeling again very vividly, just like the first day it started. I remember the last day and not to say that it was completely over, but it was the last day that I said I need to get help. I was sitting in my bedroom at home And this was the day that I had starved myself the whole day. I sat up against my closet doors, which were mirror doors at the time, and I felt like that feeling of if you ever saw that movie ET Where Elliot was dying with ET, i felt like that And I remember that distinctly, telling myself like I feel like I'm dying right now.
And I remember I think I had like 200 calories that day. It was a can of healthy choice soup. Isn't that crazy. I remember all that detail, which this was years ago, and I said to myself I'm either going to end my life or I'm going to tell my mom I need help. So I contemplated suicide that day And I knew to myself this is not the solution. You have greater things to do in this life and you cannot go out like this. And so I remember then going to my mom and telling her I need help. And she helped. So at that point she got me help. We went to a psychiatrist and then from there he referred me to a psychologist And I was able to do a lot of my treatment outpatient, which was great. I was able to respond to it well Now I had a combination of medication and a psychotherapy at that time And although the medication helped, i really gained a lot more with the psychotherapy that I was going through, because what I found in my times because since then has things ebbed and flow absolutely.
I feel like I've been in full recovery now for probably 15 to 20 years, but between that day and until I was about 25 years old, it ebbed and flowed. I was never as sick as I was. I never got down to the weight that I did. I was never in that mental health headspaces as I was before, but my OCD ebbed and flowed. Aspects of my eating disorder always came in And I always feel like you're not fully cured of it. It's you're in recovery, right, and it's something where you need to every day make a conscious choice to not practice in that, because meaning that not practicing your eating disorder or your OCD type symptoms, and with that I was able to really gain a lot more traction with my life using coping tools And that's what really drove me. When I was going into college, i said I think I wanna be a psychologist, i think I wanna give back, because these coping tools are what really have saved my life.
And so, as it evolved and I was going through grad school and things like that, and then, having graduated, i was able to do that in my first half of my career, working with people with mental health challenges, i was able to give back in terms of educating people on all kinds of non-drug therapies that can really help them. And then it's not to say that there isn't a place for medication, because there is, but it only can take you so far. You have to do the rest of the work.
Episode Title: Suicide was not the Solution for Dr. Jennifer Stelter
And I remember that one being told to me and me telling so many patients of mine over the years and it's true. And then, when I decided to transition to the dementia field. For me it was. I can do this on that side too, giving caregivers all kinds of non-drug tools because, knowing senior living and having worked in senior living for 12 years, there's an overuse of medication with people living with dementia And again, not to say there's not a place, but it's way overutilized. And so I said we've got to use our hands and our heart because there is a place for this here. And that has been my mission ever since I moved into the dementia care field.
Mario P. Fields: 18:53
And I love how, even earlier, you said, even in your book, and I love going, thank you for letting us go down this journey, because you said you know, Mario, even though this podcast is called Unarmored Talk, I'm providing some armor, where folks are armed with the skills, the confidence and competency to deal with life challenges as they come. And here you are. And I love how you mentioned the choice, you know, which is relevant to the discussion framework, dr Stelter, of this podcast, is emotions are natural in humans, but to think is a choice And if you think you can improve the outcome of the situation and thank goodness you did, because we wouldn't have this wonderful doctor in front of us helping the world. Looking back at that journey, looking back, if you had to pick one thing, one piece of advice to give anyone it could be parents, it could be the actual person that's going through it, a coach, a teacher, whatever what advice would you give to the viewers and listeners?
Dr. Jennifer Stelter: 20:06
Yes, certainly, i'm gonna kind of play off of what you said in this. this stay on the topic of choice. Okay, Yeah. You know, if you don't always say to yourself, like if I could go back knowing what I know now, i wish that I could. right, and what I wish is I wish I knew how the brain worked back then, how our thought process works. specifically right Is that I have learned, of course, in school, being educated and then, of course, educating so many people, no matter of their diagnosis, on how we think, makes a huge difference. And although there's such dark times that we feel like we have no control over it, we do have control over it And we have to understand that and this is kind of coming from a cognitive behavioral kind of standpoint, which is one of the many kinds of frameworks that I come from is it's understanding that you know to your point, the way that we think is what influences how we feel, and how we feel is what influences our actions. And so what, where do we start here? is we start with how we think right, and we need to understand and analyze the way that we think right And simply
I know analyze is kind of a big word and it kind of be scary Just basically think about what you're thinking, list out your thoughts or, you know, either write them down, or you can think about them in your head, stop and reflect on them and say are these thoughts rational? Are they productive for me? Are they positive? Because if they're the opposite of these things, you need to change them, right? So if they're negative, if they're unproductive, if they're irrational, say to yourself okay, let me take a step back. What's another way I can look at this, right? What's another perspective? And if you can't gain that, you know that is what therapy is for. That is what other you know, friends and family might be able to give you a different perspective on, right. Now, what's great about therapy is that it's a, of course, it's non-judgmental, right. It's. it's someone who's not invested so much into your life.
They can take a step back and see maybe a better picture, but it's understanding that you do have the ability to change what you're thinking, so you can influence more positive and productive emotions and, of course, then more positive and productive actions, right? So I wish I knew that then, because I was so stuck in my mind thinking the things that I thought I thought this was all true, right, and that just, it just tore away my self-esteem and my confidence, right? And so I wish I can go back and tell my child self it's going to be okay, just think differently.
And I use the word just lightly because I know sometimes that can be invalidating. but it's not meant to be. It's meant to be that it can be that simple, right. And so that's something I wish I can go back and tell myself to say just look at the way you're thinking, change it. It's possible. And there's tons of books on it, of course you know, and so that's that's what I wish I could do.
Mario P. Fields: 23:14
No, you have a fan here. but thank you so much. I know you know I don't want to take up too much more of your time. as you're, you're doing what you're passionate about doing and that's helping people with life challenges. but thank you so much And thanks to your mother right, you made that wonderful, amazing, thoughtful choice not to end your life and ask for help. And thank you to your mother. Please tell her. we said hello, you know, and we're thankful that we still have Dr Stelter here in the world making a difference. I truly appreciate you And from my wife and I, which we are team on Armored Dog podcast, we salute you and thank you, dr Stelter.
Dr. Jennifer Stelter: 23:52
Thank you so much for having me. I was it's very grateful to be able to share my story and I hope it does help others.
Mario P. Fields: 23:58
Now same here. Well, ladies and gentlemen, everyone, this is it for this episode. We will see you guys, or you can hear us in the next couple of weeks, if you will, but until then, you guys know the deal Be safe. God bless you all. We'll see you soon. Thank you for listening to this most recent episode and remember you can listen and watch all of the previous episodes on my YouTube channel. The best way to connect to me and all of my social media is follow me on the parade deck, that is, www.paradedeck.com, or you can click on the link in the show notes. I'll see you guys soon.
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