From Toxic Love to Empowered Joy: Natasha Durkins' Story
How can one find the strength to leave an abusive and toxic relationship and reclaim joy? Join Me as I sit down with Natasha Durkins, author of "Fiercely Joyful," as she shares her inspiring story of leaving an abusive relationship and reclaiming happiness. In this powerful conversation, Natasha discusses her experiences with abuse, homelessness, and finding the strength to break free from her toxic partner. She provides invaluable advice for those currently in abusive relationships and emphasizes the importance of seeking help and realizing one's worth. Discover the signs of abuse, the resources available for support, and the path to healing and rediscovering joy.
👉 Key Takeaways:
- Seek help if you or someone you know is in an abusive & toxic relationship. Reach out to domestic violence hotlines or trusted individuals for support.
- Educate yourself on the signs of manipulation and abuse to recognize red flags early on in relationships.
- Understand your worth and demand love and respect. No one deserves to be mistreated.
- Seek therapy or counseling for healing from depression and anxiety caused by abuse or trauma.
- Remember that healing is possible with time, support, and self-care.
Discussion Points:
- Recognizing the signs of abuse and the importance of early identification.
- Understanding that abuse can manifest in various forms, such as physical, verbal, emotional, and financial.
- Seeking help from domestic violence hotlines, organizations, and supportive friends and family.
- Developing a safety plan before leaving an abusive relationship.
- Utilizing therapy or counseling to heal from emotional scars, cope with complex emotions, and rebuild self-esteem.
- Finding inspiration in Natasha's story highlights her resilience and the ability to find joy even in the darkest moments.
If you enjoyed this episode of Unarmored Talk, consider supporting the show by checking out the links above or sharing it with a friend. Thank you for listening, and remember to prioritize your own well-being.
- Watch: Unarmored Talk Playlist
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Watch Full Episode: From Toxic Love to Empowered Joy: Natasha Durkins' Story
Mario P. Fields: 0:00 Welcome back to the unarmored talk podcast. Thank you so much for listening and watching each episode and continue pleased to share with your friends and family members and colleagues, and don't forget to leave a rating or review if you feel this is a awesome show. And You can connect to all of my social media on the ParadeDeck.com Just look in the show notes or you can put in the search engine Mario P Fields parade deck and get all access to My social media. Well, let's get ready to interview another guest who is willing to remove their armor to help other people. Everyone, welcome back to the Unarmored Talk podcast. I am your host, Mario P Fields, and today's guest who's willing to remove her armor to have a real-life Discussion that hopefully helps the listeners of viewers develop an accurate, accurate way of thinking. Her name is Shelley. Jeff coat was going, shelly.
Shelley Jeffcoat: 0:58 Hello everybody, I'm excited to be here. Let's do this.
Mario P. Fields: 1:02 I don't even feel like shelly and I we talked so much and all the time This don't even. Yeah, this is a normal, normal day. But before I get into Enter, you know, given Shelly some time to introduce yourself to you all again, you guys know I got to take care of that admin stuff. So, number one We just again we got the audio and video monetized on our retall podcast. So anytime you guys download any episode, you share it with anybody. Anytime you touch anything on our retall podcast, that's either on a YouTube channel or your favorite audio podcast platform, you are generating funds. Ronald, i don't have that special button.
Shelley Jeffcoat: 1:43 You need that button. That's awesome Yeah that's it.
Mario P. Fields: 1:47 Maybe next year Maybe the budget allowed me to get it next year So thank you. So you guys are making a difference in helping us support still serving incorporated. You want to learn more about our amazing nonprofit? go to wwwstillservinginccom. And I'm done with the show notes, done with all that admin stuff. Let's get right to it. Everyone we have. Ceo and founder of LCM group LLC. She's also a podcast host and producer of slice of pie. That's pie for proud, inspired and empowered, and she is a fellow colleague with me on parade deck right. Parade deck calm. That's all that's in all of my intro audio intro. She is on there. She's a. She's on the board of advisors and doing a lot more round of applause. Again, i don't have that special to us a round of applause. Jeff coat, baby. Jeff coat, shelly What's going on?
Shelley Jeffcoat: 2:45 I'm so excited to be here and inviting everybody all of your listeners and watchers, lovers and lurkers to come in here. What we're talking about?
Mario P. Fields: 2:54 Oh yeah, yeah, there's gonna be a good one. Well they're all good, it's gonna be a fun one, but it's gonna be interesting interesting just like all of the unarmored talk podcast episodes. Can you tell the listeners of viewers just a little bit about yourself, shelly?
Shelley Jeffcoat: 3:07 Yeah, so you know, as I kind of mentioned before, i'm a brand expert, i'm a CEO, i'm a philanthropist. I've been in this, this walk in the space of them, and you guys can find out more about me under mrs Pike, just about everywhere now. But I've been in the brand expert space for quite some time. I'm an award-winning culture builder, which means that There's an organization that I'm with, we. I think we've got 19 culture awards now. These aren't the type you buy 19 cultural awards for a large organization within the last two and a half years, which is nearly impossible. So huge, huge, be proud of all of those endeavors. But Author, mom, speaker, all those things, and I'm just really excited to kind of share this space and be on your platform that You know, give some information. That thing's gonna help a lot of people.
Mario P. Fields: 3:56 Yeah right, 919 awards, by the way, everyone 19. Well, you guys know the deal. Let's just jump right into the topic from from my brief understanding, yes, recently you've gone into some type of networking event or live event, an in-person event, and a couple of stakeholders or potential partners or whatever their profile picture didn't match not even close, Not even close. Let's talk through the power of a profile picture and what happens.
Shelley Jeffcoat: 4:37 Yes.
Mario P. Fields: 4:38 You don't even look like the picture You posted. What have walkers through this one?
Shelley Jeffcoat: 4:44 This. Okay, i was this, this is what happened, y'all. So I was at an event and these individuals and these are these are folks who've been in the industry, meaning the working, working life for quite some time. So these aren't, you know, we're not talking about interns in recent grads, but these are individuals who've been in the working space for quite some time and they have LinkedIn profiles, like many of us do, and the profile picture that I've met on LinkedIn wasn't exactly the person that I met in person, and so I had a person come up to me to introduce himself hey, shelly, you know, you know, I met you on LinkedIn, blah, blah. And honestly, i was so taken aback And, because I don't do a great job of faking, my response ever My response was like what are you? their profile didn't match the person at all, and so one of the things that I thought about we were talking about this earlier is what are some of the impacts around that from a personal perspective, the areas that it really hits? First of all, it just really damages your credibility. It damages the trust, because now I'm like, well, if you're not even taking care of your basic profile information, then it actually erodes some level of trust and credibility And can I really consider you someone who's a thought leader, which is the way the person was marketing themselves. They're not even up to date or current. So I definitely want to dive into this about. You know the message that we're putting across, especially on social media, and it's not just your profile picture, it's some of the things that you're talking about, the way that you're presenting yourself. That is actually your brand And I tell people all the time your brand is in that room long before you get there, right.
Mario P. Fields: 6:28 Yeah, so let's talk about and I love how you highlighted your weakness. By the way, you know we teach that in the employment workshop for interviews the ability to highlight your weakness. You know, i love how you say I am not strong at kind of masking, hiding my emotions. So we, when you, when you start to interact with with this person or people, at what point did you start to connect I use the metaphor, connect the dots, where you said wait, wait a minute.
Shelley Jeffcoat: 7:04 This is.
Mario P. Fields: 7:04 Mario.
Shelley Jeffcoat: 7:07 I had to turn on my interviewing skills Okay, so the same skill sets that I use on Mrs Pi, that investigative journalism side had to kick in because, you know, one of the things that you don't want to do is is also because of the nature of what we do, mario is is how people feel like they weren't accepted when they met us. Right, pr is huge for us, so I, i, i go into my kind of my, my headspace, but the first thing I always do this is I try to put other people at ease, so I put the person at ease first. You know, hey, you know it's great to meet you and then trying to get that remind me who you are, but without saying remind me who you are Right, so you know. I did. I do this So and, by the way, i do this a lot.
So, for those of you who ever heard it, i'm sorry, but I usually say you know, i'm so excited to meet you. Can you remind me again, you know, what were some of the things top of mind that we wanted to touch on it? You know, and I kind of work it through that way, i give them a chance to reintroduce themselves And I'll always take the fall. You know, listen, it's on me. There's so many people that I'm meeting so many amazing people. It's really on me. Honestly, my memory shot. You know, i try to put the other person at ease and then give them a chance to explain and really reintroduce themselves. So that's the first thing. The second thing I do, and this really matters, is the tone that you use. Again, back to, you know, almost interviewing one on one. It's a tone. So if I'm speaking to someone and you know I'm trying to get so this person, my response wasn't like who are you Right?
Mario P. Fields: 8:43 Or even your non-verbals.
Shelley Jeffcoat: 8:45 Or you know, look at you know. so now I'm literally, you know, once I caught the name, I had my phone So I was able to quickly go on to LinkedIn and from that person, go, wow, you look even better in person. Okay, you know, now I'm setting the tone for the conversation And then, and then after that, I'm eliciting information, I'm trying to figure out again how to place this person where the networking events, how to place this person in terms of the conversation that will have and things like that.
And then I also try to drop tips, people asking for free advice all the time. So I'll give it tip. and then this person I said you know, it'd be great, you look so much better in person and this photo is not, you know, is not, doesn't reflect. You'll be like. I really was like working my way through it. so that person I was like, hey, i'll be willing to let me take a photo of you and you use that on your, on your social media. I actually found out later that this one individual they were under the impression that they needed to get those really expensive, high quality photos and, honestly, you really don't need to do that, and so it was a financial limitation that that he was facing, and so I was like, hey, let's, let's fix this right now.
I'm going to take a picture of you, update your profile, bing Bang, boom, we're done. So there was a way to resolve it And I'm not going to help that individual, but this is, this is really. you know, this is one of those really sticky areas for all of us as folks that have social media profile pictures that you know maybe you have one that reflects your wedding and that's 30 years ago, or people who take photos with that you are your favorite pet. you know that doesn't actually represent you as the person, so So this, i think, is a good one, because it really does come down to what you're selling. people want to meet the person who's on that profile.
Mario P. Fields: 10:32 You know, nobody wants to be catfish And so and I love how you talked about and I'm listening to you the amount of effort in time it took for you from out of that event Yes, to try to be, to become more accurate and who you're discussing and talking to If you had two candidates or two potential stakeholders And that came to you in one of them was pretty accurate, you didn't have to spend all of that time. Yes trying to figure out who they were. Any other one was not. Who do you think would be more beneficial? right, you would be more willing to do business with, and why?
Shelley Jeffcoat: 11:10 bingo. So I'm going with the person who makes it easy for me to connect. I'm not willing to do the work. And again, if you think about this summer, even recruiting perspective, you have a lot of other people that you can talk to as well. So, easy for us to connect, make it easy for us to do business together and make it easy for us to network and communicate with each other. Don't make it so hard And it's very, very simple. Just start out with you know updated photo and you know, honestly, these are. These are the things that when I think about maybe some of the disadvantages that those of us who've been in the workplace for a long time and you know people aren't you know people aren't updating their photos because they I'll never need that, but, quite frankly, you never know when you don't.
Mario P. Fields: 11:57 Absolutely what they say. almost 60 to 80% of opportunities are on advertising, through networking And and yeah, definitely, like you know, mario's got a picture of a high top fade, he's got good hair and I'll see me at the event, you know anyway. so so, and I love how you brought up that, make it easy.
Shelley Jeffcoat: 12:17 Make it easy everyone makes it easy.
Mario P. Fields: 12:19 Make it easy What emotions that you experience. Talk about the emotions and how you, how you allow those emotions to process. Yeah, through them.
Shelley Jeffcoat: 12:31 So the first one actually was honestly was shock, because again I was presented with one thing and then I saw another thing. So I was a little bit like no, you're about 40 years older than that photo. That is because I was a little disappointed, because there are opportunities now and it doesn't come around very often where you're placed in a situation you network and you can make business happen right. And for me this was such a loss of an opportunity because I didn't wanna spend 10 to 12 minutes explaining why you needed to be more credible to me Right. It just takes away from the conversation. So now in my head you're not someone I wanna do business with. Because, again, if I have to keep coaching you through how you show up and we're not showing up for a client, we're just showing up for each other then it's not gonna work.
Mario P. Fields: 13:32 Right, right, right.
Shelley Jeffcoat: 13:33 You're gonna go to the person who makes it easier, who's already figured out that a part of your business brand is also how you manage your personal brand and how you show up really matters. Like I said, your brand is in the room long before you get there. But if I have to try to figure out those you know, is this right, Is this credible, Is this the right person? If I have to go through that script in my head and then adjust so that I can help you adjust, then it's just not a good. It's just not a good situation. So for me, what it also showed was that that person just didn't care enough about their business brand. Okay, and if you don't care about your business brand, you're not gonna care about mine. So what's left on the table right, Remember, at the foundation is credibility and trust.
Mario P. Fields: 14:19 Yeah right, yeah, your personal brand, business brand, your branding, and you know and I love how you brought that up And let's you know, if you don't mind, let's talk a little bit about that Again that profile picture or whatever social media site or platform that you're using, and the complexities of things that can occur if it's not an accurate photo and represents you well. How does that impact the brand? And let's get rid of the words good or bad, just period.
Shelley Jeffcoat: 14:51 Yeah, it always shreds you. It's immediately so when you think about it. There are a couple of things that you establish when you're a professional brand, and the first thing is reputation. Okay, and reputation is tied to your brand identity. Identity is how you show up. So I'm talking purely about how you show up, how you look, the colors you use, Tony uses all those things. That's identity. And then, after you've gotten identity, is considered awareness, meaning how much you're messaging out that. So imagine you have a stale photo on LinkedIn, for example, and you're looking to transition into the private sector and you're trying to find a job. So now your identity what you're showing up as is an old photo from back in the day when you were married or whatever right. You're showing that.
Now your awareness is now you're trying to message out to people to say, hey, I'm in the market. No, by the way, maybe consider hiring me. And you're tagging, liking, and following posts, but what you don't get is what we call brand equity. You get no equity out of the brand that you're selling, which is yourself. So that's why imagery is so important. So when you think about you know how you. That's why you know how you show up the literal identity. People are looking for that to match your awareness, which is the messaging and the things that you're pushing out, and, whether it works or not, is considered equity right, and that's where it can either tank or help. So if you're thinking about you know what do I need to do to transition into this sector? Or maybe you're not looking for a job, maybe you're just trying to build a community, you're building a following. Whatever that is for you, if your identity doesn't match up to what you're saying, you lose credibility. It can impact your reputation. You can't. It takes a long time to come back to that. Our minds are so you know we react so quickly to images. That's why video is such an amazing form, right?
Mario P. Fields: 16:46 Right, right, yeah, it's such a short-form video.
Shelley Jeffcoat: 16:48 Last you know, last work, maybe you know under a minute, and then we're on to the next step. So think about it from an image perspective. That's what's sticking in our head.
Mario P. Fields: 16:57 Yeah, yeah, you're well, like you were saying, you know if you're smiling, you know, and you're always smiling in all your photos, and I'm just using this as an example. And then you meet Shelly Jeffcoat and you have no personality. You have no personality. Not, you didn't smile once during the networking event. Your stock, your brand, was probably trading on a stock market at about, you know, $7.16 at the opening. But then you show up and it's conflicting.
Shelley Jeffcoat: 17:27 That's right, it's tight.
Mario P. Fields: 17:29 And I love so I love how you kind of highlighted that that there's some equity.
Shelley Jeffcoat: 17:33 Yes.
Mario P. Fields: 17:34 But you gotta be authentic, right, gotta be authentic, and that's the other thing.
Shelley Jeffcoat: 17:37 you know, I am literally who I am, no matter where I go, Right yeah, i'm gonna change my glasses because you know for those of y'all who can't see me I have an addiction with glasses, so I change them all the time. But I'm literally the same personality. No matter where I am, i always show up as the same person, because otherwise it's exhausting. So when you go on my social media pages, same person. And why is that important? It's because I've established my identity. So now when I'm communicating and sharing things out and you're getting to know me right, awareness I can bank on the equity that I have. I'm trustworthy and I'm credible. People know who I am and what to expect. That's how brands you know. That's the simplicity around brands. But it does again, it really does go back to you know, establishing what that identity looked like and really simply, you can just start with y'all have a good photo, have an updated photo And so, and thank you so much.
Mario P. Fields: 18:30 And so, looking back, looking back on when you saw that the first time you saw that profile picture we're just of that person, that person, and then the in-person experience, and then post that looking back, what advice, if you could give that person or anyone, what one thing would you tell them?
Shelley Jeffcoat: 18:57 Get updated before you go to a networking event. Period, right And the same. It's all preparation. And if you take it seriously, if you're going to a networking event because you intend to do business or potentially meet other business partners, anything like that, right, make sure that your profile is up to date. That is your online business card. Linkedin, for me, is an online resume, and so I'll just send people to my LinkedIn or I'll send them to my Parade Deck page, whichever one, because they're going to catch me out of the way. But that is my identity, that is my representation. But if you want to scale your business, if you want to meet new people, if you want to expand your network, if you want to grow up, you want to get a good job, a better job or even a promotion Like Mario, some of these are just even on the job promotion your internal recruiters are going to come and look at your LinkedIn page. So at least, at the very least, for your own preservation, make sure that your profile is updated.
Mario P. Fields: 20:01 Everyone you guys heard it from Shelly the first steps in improving your brand. Just take a photo And make sure you don't go spend hundreds of dollars to get it glamorized. And also, if it's been about 12 months, go ahead and take that other one. It takes less than six seconds And uploaded, so your online business card is ready to rock and roll. Shelly, i'm not going to say that you're busy because you are having fun. Yes, making a positive impact on people, but I truly appreciate you. And how can people find you if they want more of Shelly Jeffcoat?
Shelley Jeffcoat: 20:42 You can find me on ParadeDeck.com under Mrs PIE.
Mario P. Fields: 20:47 You guys heard it, Shelly Jeffcoat. thank you so much. This is exciting. I'm so happy And I'm going to make sure that my calendar is marked for me to update my own photo on LinkedIn. Absolutely.
Shelley Jeffcoat: 21:01 Thank you so much.
Mario P. Fields: 21:04 Thank you for this fun episode. Everyone again on the Armored Talk podcast. Every two weeks there's an episode. We'll see you guys in two more weeks, But until then you guys know the deal. Be safe out there And God bless you all and your families. Bye, bye, Shelly Bye. Thank you for listening to this most recent episode And remember you can listen and watch all of the previous episodes on my YouTube channel. The best way to connect to me and all of my social media is to follow me on the Parade Deck. That is www.paradedeck.com, Or you can click on the link in the show notes. I'll see you guys soon. From Toxic Love to Empowered Joy: Natasha Durkins' Story
Mario P. Fields: 0:00
Welcome back to the Unarmored Talk podcast. Thank you so much for listening and watching each episode and continue pleased to share with your friends and family members and colleagues, and don't forget to leave a rating or review if you feel this is an awesome show. And Youcan connects to all of my social media on the parade deck, just look in the show notes or you can put in the search engine Mario P Fields parade deck and get all access to My social media. Well, let's get ready to interview another guest who is willing to remove their armor to help other people. Welcome back everyone to the Unarmored Talk podcast. I am your host, Mario P Fields, and today's amazing guest, who's a week, you know, willing to remove her armor to help other people gain a better understanding of how not to emotionally react in life to things, for how to think and respond to improve the outcome. Natasha Dirkens, how are you doing? #toxic
Natasha Durkins: 1:03
I'm doing great, Mario, thank you, how are you?
Mario P. Fields: 1:06
You know I am still motivated and smiling as we talked before the show. But everyone, before we get to this amazing guest and before I officially introduce her again, thank you, guys. If you want to connect to all my crazy social media, go on The Parade Deck. That's parade deck, calm. You can check me out on tick tock Instagram, your mama gram, your daddy gram. You guys know to do all of that stuff and Check some of the fun stuff out there as we create content to make a positive, positive impact on On people in the world. And thank you to our channel members. You again, every month your contributions are making a difference for still serving Incorporated and that's. You guys want to learn more again. You want to join us in making a difference for the youth, shaping our future for tomorrow.
Go to www.stillservinginc.com. Find one of the program Buckets, if you will, that you want to donate a dollar or two and get, get, get behind us, support So we can make a difference around the world with today's development in a positive way today's youth. So I'm done with that. You guys know the deal, done with all that admin stuff. So today we have right, Natasha Durkin. She goes by Tash, and she's the vice president of mission support at the federal aviation Administration. She's a public speaker and she's a recent author everyone of a book, and it's called fiercely Joyful, fiercely joyful, Tash. Welcome to the show. Please tell your listeners of yours a little bit about yourself.
Natasha Durkins: 2:38
Well, thank you, I really appreciate you having me on Mario. It's an honor And fiercely joyful. I'm so excited about that. I'm not so good as I'm joyful, but I'll tell you, I'm from Scranton, Pennsylvania, born and raised there, but I've spent now most of my life in the DMV, living in all three places DC, Maryland and Virginia. So this is home for me now. I considered myself a champion of authenticity. I Have to drive a lot of passion from helping people show up as themselves and Find the space and power to bring joy into their lives. That's, that's a little bit about me.
Mario P. Fields: 3:21
You know the entire fields family roughly from Pennsylvania, by the way.
Natasha Durkins: 3:24
Oh, really, i didn't even know. Okay, awesome.
Mario P. Fields: 3:28
Yeah, yeah, daughter, feel you go to Pennsylvania. That's where you find the hallmark, all the fields, family, and Pennsylvania cheese steak, not steak and cheese. No, right, right, right. Well, you, you're already a fan. I mean, i was already a fan of yours, but now, you know, the stock just went up. You know I'm gonna thank you, increase my investment in tax stocks. Well, let's talk about it. You know, you know you. You chose to write this book called fiercely joyful. When we see you, I mean vice VP mission support for about six months now And, yeah, some other things you've accomplished in your life. You know, my mom raised me. Well, so you know you're about 25, right, 25.
Natasha Durkins: 4:12
And in the 20s in the 20s.
Mario P. Fields: 4:18
We good, you know we good and I just hit 30, But but fiercely joyful. From my basic understanding, there was a moment in your life when you were probably fiercely miserable. Let's jump into the topic.
Natasha Durkins: 4:38
Absolutely yes, there was. That was a period of my life when I was in my early 20s, so just a few years ago, Just kidding y'all 20-some years ago.
Mario P. Fields: 4:51
Yeah.
Natasha Durkins: 4:52
And I was it was young and dealing with a lot of depression actually at the time and loneliness because it wasn't long after my mother had passed away I had a boyfriend I moved in with and was living in his apartment and it was really a tumultuous relationship from the start. But once we moved in together it got to be much worse and it became an abusive relationship. But, oh sorry, go ahead.
Mario P. Fields: 5:27
No, no, go ahead, go ahead.
Natasha Durkins: 5:30
It became abusive and I stayed longer than I should have because I felt like I had nowhere to go and I was alone. I had no money and I just felt like I had no choice, so I stayed.
Mario P. Fields: 5:47
And Tash. When you say abusive, if you don't mind, what do you mean by it? it was abusive, physically, verbally, and both.
Natasha Durkins: 5:58
It was both. It was both physically abusive and verbally and emotionally. One of the worst physical abuses I recall was my head being slammed on the stove. Wow, I think I wasn't hot, but it was slammed on the stove and I had a bruise of the burner on my face for days. So it was a very difficult relationship And it was at that time where I just thought I had to deal with it.
From Toxic Love to Empowered Joy: Natasha Durkins' Story
Mario P. Fields: 6:39
You know it's interesting. You say that because I've heard and I know of people who have been or are currently in relationships that they feel and they believe they just have to deal with that. For you, what was it that made you just believe that you just have to deal with this verbal and physical abuse?
Natasha Durkins: 7:04
I have to tell you it actually goes back to other abuse I dealt with in my life. As a child, I was molested by my grandfather and a babysitter and I never told anybody until I was literally in my late 20s. So even that I didn't talk about that until after I was in this abusive relationship. But I just remember feeling two things One, when I was molested, that it was my fault that I brought it upon myself, And two, that if I told anyone people wouldn't believe me or they'll be upset and angry at me and I would get in trouble. And so I didn't want that And I carry that with me in this relationship because I felt like I must have been doing something to bring it on myself. He wouldn't just do this right, I had to be provoking it And I also felt embarrassed and didn't wanna tell people that that was happening in my home.
Mario P. Fields: 8:14
Wow. So you essentially you know you essentially because of things that happen in your childhood you essentially start to believe you know what. There's something about me I'm doing to provoke this abuse. So you essentially started self-reflecting on yourself, on how to reduce these behaviors. Is that what I'm hearing?
Natasha Durkins: 8:35
Absolutely, absolutely. And I, you know, i didn't tell my friends for quite some time And when I finally started talking to them because at some point they could see the bruises, you know they were like well, why, why didn't you tell us? You know you, you need to get out of there, you need to. And I made excuses. You know I made excuses for him. Well, i don't think it won't happen again. You know he had a hard day at work, whatever the excuse was. And, mario, i should have known better, because my mother volunteered at a domestic violence shelter for women. She got up in the middle of the night, helped women who had been raped, beaten and needed support. You know she did this for years. She was in the newspaper and Scranton Times. You know they're celebrating her for her work. I knew better And I don't think I ever expected to find myself there, but when it happened I couldn't easily pull myself out.
Mario P. Fields: 9:39
Yeah, you know, it's always interesting when, when, when, folks, when you, you know I can only speak for me, but when you're on the outside looking in, it's easier to give advice, and then when it's you, like you said, it's a whole different, different ball game. At what point did you ever get to a point, tash, where you said this?
Natasha Durkins: 9:59
is not my fault.
Mario P. Fields: 10:01
I don't deserve this physical. I don't deserve to have my head slammed on a stove and talked like I am not a human being. I'm, I'm, I'm leaving this relationship. Did you ever get to that point, or what happened?
Natasha Durkins: 10:19
I did. Eventually, i started making some plans in my head and it was the emphasis of it was I learned he was cheating on me. So you know, here I am a punching bag and he's out doing his thing in the middle of the night. You know, i end up getting a phone call from a woman, you know right. And that was the moment when I was like I can't, what am I doing? What am I doing? I'm sacrificing myself my worth, allowing this man to take advantage of me physically and he's not even being faithful in our relationship. Why am I here?
Mario P. Fields: 11:02
Right.
Natasha Durkins: 11:03
Now, and so at that point I started thinking in my mind and I had no idea how I was going to do it because I was broke, but I got to get up out of here. I have to figure out how to get out of this relationship.
Mario P. Fields: 11:17
So here you are going. Okay, let me check my bank account. All right, negative $10. All right, that's a good start. But, in all seriousness, you started the kind of design of plan and left this relationship. And then how did you eventually? did you eventually have a plan and do it, or did you get some help?
Natasha Durkins: 11:44
Praise the Lord, i got some help And this is why I would say to people don't think you're alone, there's always someone in your corner willing to help. And I had kicked all my friends to the curb because of the guy. I was doing that I don't have time for you, focused fully on him. So I wasn't spending time, wasn't returning phone calls in a timely manner, wasn't hanging out with the girl. But once I had that revelation about him cheating and I knew I couldn't leave on my own, i just picked up the phone and asked for some ideas. I said y'all, Timmy, tell me, is there a shelter? is there somewhere I can go? I need to get out of here, i can't take it anymore. And I called my girlfriends who were at Howard and some who were down the street in DC, and they were like when do you wanna leave? I was like I need to go as soon as possible, but I don't have any money, don't worry about. We'll be there tonight. We'll find a way to go to work What tonight? And then also I was like should I do this? Oh my God, i don't know. What will I do?
Mario P. Fields: 13:05
Your girlfriends are like special operations. You don't know what they're got. They're coming in camming it up with night vision goggles to get you.
Natasha Durkins: 13:14
One of them getting ready to retire from the Army right now.
Mario P. Fields: 13:19
But they did?
Natasha Durkins: 13:20
I mean literally, because they didn't have a car. They came up in a taxi cab. I had the taxi cab driver sitting outside.
Mario P. Fields: 13:28
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Natasha Durkins: 13:30
They didn't even have vehicles, But they improved wow, okay, that's when you know you have a true friend and true friends and people that love you unconditionally. Because they could have been like oh, now you wanna call Tash, now that you in trouble, now you wanna call They. I didn't hear none of that, none of that. They were like okay, we're coming tonight, here's the plan, do this, do that. And they literally scooped me out in the middle of the night and he was at work.
Mario P. Fields: 14:05
So that is amazing. You know, ladies and gentlemen, that's why I love doing this, because I learned about the guests on the show And so that is amazing. So now they get yellow taxi cab. We'll just go with yellow cab, but they get the taxi cab. They get you out of there At any point. Once you got away from that abusive relationship, at any point did he try to reach back out to you to make it seem like things would change.
Natasha Durkins: 14:37
Absolutely.
Mario P. Fields: 14:39
They need right away.
Natasha Durkins: 14:40
You know, as soon as he saw the empty closet and dresser, you know, he realized it was for real And he did oh, I'm never doing it again. I'm sorry, you know I need you And I'm not gonna lie and say anything about it, because, as I'm talking to you now I think this is the first time I ever said it but technically I was homeless. I was homeless and I was living in various dorm rooms with my girlfriends while I was trying to get back on my feet Thank God for them, because I had nowhere to go. But I realized then I was worth more than that And so I was not gonna I was gonna have to figure it out go from room to room, whatever. I was making people rice crispy treats and selling them because I was hungry. I was like I can cook. If you, let me have some.
Mario P. Fields: 15:38
You know, i'm glad we can, we can laugh at this, but oh my goodness.
Natasha Durkins: 15:44
It was rough. I was, I was literally homeless. I've never said that, but I really was, and I'm just so fortunate that I had that support system around me because I think if I was alone I might have gone back. Mario, you know, i might have gone back. My friends were having that.
Mario P. Fields: 16:03
And that's why I asked that question, because I believe, I believe that the listeners of viewers who listen and share this with anyone that's going through something like this to make the choice not to let the manipulation make them emotionally, make a decision to go back into that environment where it just continues And it's just, and hear how you made the decision, with the support of your friends, to not allow your emotions and not allow that manipulation from him. You know, pour you back And then go from homeless to making rice crisps. And I like, I like the strategy Look yo I'm, I can make some rice crisps, so let me test them and taste them.
Natasha Durkins: 16:55
No, I can't cook, you know I cook, especially the fellas, you know. So can't cook, can't bake. So I did. I said, hey, i will cook for you. I'll even go grocery store and get the groceries. You got five, but I do get a plate That was a pretty decent cook. You know so that is how I fed myself, that in McDonald's hamburgers at the time, which luckily I don't have to eat those every day anymore. I don't eat me anymore, but that was McDonald's hamburgers and other people's food.
Mario P. Fields: 17:30
And now look at you never giving up. Now your vice president, you know, at the FAA for mission support, you're an author, public speaker, executive leader, and more I mean. And you have a wonderful brother. By the way, i love your brother, Ellis Craig, i do, he's the mom. Oh my gosh. So looking back, tash, looking back if you had to give one piece of advice to anyone that's currently in a relationship like this or in the future some folks don't even know they're going, they're going to be in one, like you said, they don't see it coming What piece of advice would you give them?
Natasha Durkins: 18:10
My advice would be to recognize and acknowledge what situation you're in and know that you can get help. So that means admit to yourself what you're in because that's the first piece of not making excuses for the person or people or whatever And acknowledge that and know you can get help in, whether it's family, whether it's friends. if you're embarrassed, you don't want to talk. There are shelters that are available to men and women who are abused and they will set you up. Even if you have kids. you can take your kids. They will take full care of you and help you get on your feet, and you're worth it.
Mario P. Fields: 19:03
Hey, man, and it's just again interesting how you, your mother, is doing amazing things. and Scranton, Pennsylvania she's in the paper. You know, you're witnessing the resources, you're witnessing the journeys of battered women and men, if you will. and then here you are and you don't even know what to do And I applaud you for removing your armor And thank you for having the courage to come on and talk about that. Thank you for that wonderful advice, tash, and we're looking so forward to hopefully. ladies, gentlemen, if you didn't buy it, if you don't buy the book, fiercely joyful, shame on you.
Natasha Durkins: 19:46
It's just so much fun. It's just so much fun And it's so much fun, it's just so much fun, And I'm so happy to be here with you today. I'm so happy to be here with you today, and I'm so happy to be here with you today.
Mario P. Fields: 20:30
And I'm so happy to be here with you today, Tash. You guys heard it Also, they'll be in the show notes and, if you're listening, they'll be in the show notes on audio as well. Well, i know you are I won't say busy. Guys always know that the guests I bring on they're having fun and what they're doing these days, and so thank you so much. Please be safe And thank you just for taking the time to be on the show, Tash.
Natasha Durkins: 20:52
Thank you so much, Mario. So it's an honor and a pleasure. I appreciate it.
Mario P. Fields: 20:56
No, no worries. Well, hey everyone, you guys know the deal to episode's a month. See, you guys are here. You guys are going to be here and me in about two weeks, but until then, you guys know the deal be safe And God bless you. We will see or hear from me soon. Thank you for listening to this most recent episode and remember you can listen and watch all of the previous episodes on my YouTube channel. The best way to connect to me and all of my social media is to follow me on the parade deck Which is www.paradedeck.com, or you can click on the link in the show notes. I'll see you guys soon.
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